Mindset Mastery to help your busy brain, stay asleep.
Photo by Michael Niessl from Unsplash
When I talk about developing a healthy sleep mindset with dynamic doers, there is sometimes frustration. It seems fluffy, or unquantifiable. But learning to step out of loopy thoughts is often what it takes - and it's a practice.
Here are five ways I help highly successful folks with busy minds, learn to fall asleep and stay asleep.
1. REMEMBER THAT SLEEP DOESN'T LIKE WHEN YOU TRY FOR IT.
The more you strive for it – the further away it moves. If you are awake and aware of it – you want to do something to help yourself stay relaxed, versus trying to fall back asleep.
It’s kind of like early courtship days – pretending you’re not really into that person to entice them to move closer.
Here are a few approaches:
A body scan meditation like this.
Reading something mildly distracting but not too exciting, on the couch, until you feel tired again, and then returning to bed. This way you keep your bed a sacred space for sleeping only.
Focus on your breathing. I like box breathing: in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat four times and then return to your natural breath. You might put one hand on your heart and one on your belly as you do this.
A fall-back-to-sleep meditation like one of these (Dr. Lopez has a good 26-minute one).
2. NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT.
Are you worrying about your sleep? Are you worrying about your work, your kids, your marriage, your aging parents, climate change? Maybe a mixed bag of it all?
Find that loop that goes round and round and take note of it. You can use a constructive worry exercise like this, during the day, to give your worries a supportive container so they are less feral at night. It works if you do it!
3. CARVE OUT TIME TO PROCESS DURING THE DAY.
Finding mini-moments to catch-up with your busy mind helps you fall asleep and stay asleep at night.
Go for a walk around the block
Take 10 minutes to chat with a friend or loved one
Have a mindful meal without your phone in sight
Take regular mini-breaks from super immersive work
Find something creative to do that has no precise purpose
4. RECOGNIZE WHEN YOU ARE CATASTROPHIZING ABOUT SLEEP.
In my experience, this is where the biggest transformations happen with improving sleep over time. When we learn to swap those thoughts with ones that are more supportive to our sleep.
a. Is it true that you need 8 hours of sleep every night? Probably not. Think about all the times you’ve had a crappy night’s sleep and survived the next day just fine.
b. “Oh crap, I’m awake and it’s 3 am, I’m in for another bad night.” Instead think, “It’s normal to wake up at night. There’s nothing to worry about and I don’t need to control anything. I can be cozy in my bed and enjoy just being relaxed – there is nothing I need to do right now. It’s nighttime, and I can just be at peace.”
c. Don’t look at your phone/clock if you wake up. Looking at the time signals there is something you need to do or control and can set off a cascade of worrying thoughts. It’s nighttime – you get to be at peace. There is nothing you need to know or do or check.
5. MEDITATION OF ANY KIND.
If your mind is really running the show at night – there are strategies and practices to help you learn to see that you are NOT your thoughts. Just 5-minutes of meditation a day has been shown to improve sleep.
I always recommend the incredible Jeff Warren’s teachings to beginners of meditation. Jeff is a friend and one of the best meditation tearchers I've come across. My client's give his teachings a thumbs-up too. Check out Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics if you are new to meditation and haven’t had success. Jeff also guides on the 10% Happier app (excellent for newcomers to meditation), and I’m a huge fan of his 30-day Mindfulness for Beginners Challenge on Calm.
Do you have any mind-calming strategies that have helped you at night? I'd love to hear....
If you were to ask yourself – what does my rocky sleep want me to do differently, what would the answer be? What is it asking that you change? If you want help answering this question for yourself – I’m here to help. Book a discovery call with me here.
