Constructive Worrying
How are you feeling? How are you sleeping?
Not too long ago, my mid-day routine was to eat my lunch in peace and quiet, reflect on my morning, and psych myself up for my afternoon. This was also time to sift through thoughts and check-in with myself.
These days, lunch often looks like a Zoom call, with my camera off, while making grilled cheese sandwiches for my family and trouble shooting Grade 4 math questions. To reclaim this space, I’ve carved out time on the front end of my day, with my dog on the trails.
Lots of people haven’t re-found their white space in the last nine months though. And lots of folks have way too much of it and are feeling heady, isolated and lonely.
These are two of the realities. And both of them can fuel the overnight monkey mind. Those looping worries that pop us out from sleep, to run around in circles.
If your mind can relate, I have an exercise for you.
Constructive Worry Time
I learned about ‘Constructive Worry Time’ from Colleen Carney, a Toronto sleep psychologist. I studied Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) with Colleen a few years ago and she was one of many who have inspired me along this path.
Constructive worrying is a simple and powerful strategy often used in CBT-I, which is now considered one of the most effective treatments for insomnia.
You only need to spend 10-15 minutes on this each day:
1. A few hours before bed grab a pen and paper and make two columns. Jot down your main concerns or worries in one column. Take a peek at what’s lurking beneath the surface, not just the most obvious worries.
2. In the next column write down the solutions (not the final solution necessarily, but one thing you can come up with now). It may be that you need to ask for help-- write that down. It may be that you need to bring more acceptance to the issue-- great, write that down. If there seems to be no good solution, write that down. You might note that you’ll speak to a few people about it to see what comes up.
3. At bedtime or overnight, if you start to worry, remind yourself you’ve already dealt with your worries today in the best way you know how. Remind yourself that you’ll have another chance to sit with them tomorrow. Your worry list supports this work of separating out from your thoughts at night.
4. Repeat each day, adding new worries that pop up. Writing down your concerns tells your brain that these worries are important and you won’t forget them because they are on paper now. This can help shift the stress and physical response tied up in your worries by giving them attention and a container.
Note: Take the extra effort to put pen to paper. Don’t just do this in your head! It’s the writing it down part that makes this work.
If you’re looking for other CBT-I tools, Colleen Carney’s book Quiet Your Mind & Get to Sleep is a beautifully practical and supportive workbook stepping readers through the CBT-I approach with a focus on anxiety, depression and chronic pain.
Dream sweetly,
